Why does the rain make people so damn sentimental of such silly things?
Sitting at the university library, looking at the pouring rain through the glass window. Makes me think about all the life choices that I made. And all the things that has surpassed my years. Who knew that 18 years would transpire in just a snap. I remember the days when I used to just play around on the streets. The days when all I used to care about was my Barbie dolls and other childish toys. The days when I used to worry about nothing other than what game I should play next. The days when any wound can be simply fixed by a band aid. The days when I was still carefree and oblivious. I miss those days..
Everything was so simple back then. No boy problems, no bickering with friends, no conflict with parents. None of those non-sense things. Nothing that would make our life so damn complicated. Unlike now, everything's like a hard math problem that you can't even begin to solve due to its complicity.
The rain reminds me of tears. Heaven, crying. I want to go back in time. When crying solves everything. Cause now, crying's just a way of releasing your emotions. But it won't really solve anything. Yes, it would make you feel better for a while. But after that, everything would go back to normal. You're once again face to face with all your stupid problems. And the bad thing is, you can't even run away from it cause it would always be a million steps ahead of you.
Sometimes, I lie awake in my bed, thinking about crying. You know, just letting all those crap out of my system. So that somehow, I might actually feel better. But I can't. I just simply can't. I have this thing about letting my true emotions out. I really don't like doing it. Yes, I may be a frank person and always straight to the point, but when it comes to dealing with personal emotions--MY personal emotions--I can't handle it anymore. I am too petrified to face the reality of my fucked up feelings. It's pathetic, I know.
Crying. I want to cry so bad right now. And oh yes, there's a really pathetic reason for that. And once again ladies and gents, it goes back to HIM. That stupid boy I've been blabbing about in my previous posts.
So, what's been happening lately? Well, well, well. Where do I begin? HMMMM..
We're okay. We're friends. Good friends. In the last week or more, I think, I've been really okay with how things are going. I've been slowly distancing myself from him. And for a moment there, I thought I was okay. Okay like, I won't care if he's with another girl anymore; I won't mind not seeing him for a long time; I won't care that much about him like before; I won't think about him..
But God of all Gods was I wrong. So completely wrong. Maybe those thoughts were just thoughts, you know, product of the mind, and not really how I truly feel. I saw him this afternoon with the same girl (the one mentioned on a previous post) sharing an umbrella under the rain. And boy did I saw my heart shatter into pieces in front of me once again. I never seem to get tired of this shit, don't I? (*SIGHS)
I wish this would just stop. But I'd have to admit though, my feelings aren't like before. It changed, somehow. For the better, thank God. But I still do wish that this feeling--whatever this may be--would just stop. I can't allow this to go on for a long time.
I need a life. I need a NEW life.
Change would have to arrive soon. Before it's too late.
Sitting at the university library, looking at the pouring rain through the glass window. Makes me think about all the life choices that I made. And all the things that has surpassed my years. Who knew that 18 years would transpire in just a snap. I remember the days when I used to just play around on the streets. The days when all I used to care about was my Barbie dolls and other childish toys. The days when I used to worry about nothing other than what game I should play next. The days when any wound can be simply fixed by a band aid. The days when I was still carefree and oblivious. I miss those days..
Everything was so simple back then. No boy problems, no bickering with friends, no conflict with parents. None of those non-sense things. Nothing that would make our life so damn complicated. Unlike now, everything's like a hard math problem that you can't even begin to solve due to its complicity.
The rain reminds me of tears. Heaven, crying. I want to go back in time. When crying solves everything. Cause now, crying's just a way of releasing your emotions. But it won't really solve anything. Yes, it would make you feel better for a while. But after that, everything would go back to normal. You're once again face to face with all your stupid problems. And the bad thing is, you can't even run away from it cause it would always be a million steps ahead of you.
Sometimes, I lie awake in my bed, thinking about crying. You know, just letting all those crap out of my system. So that somehow, I might actually feel better. But I can't. I just simply can't. I have this thing about letting my true emotions out. I really don't like doing it. Yes, I may be a frank person and always straight to the point, but when it comes to dealing with personal emotions--MY personal emotions--I can't handle it anymore. I am too petrified to face the reality of my fucked up feelings. It's pathetic, I know.
Crying. I want to cry so bad right now. And oh yes, there's a really pathetic reason for that. And once again ladies and gents, it goes back to HIM. That stupid boy I've been blabbing about in my previous posts.
So, what's been happening lately? Well, well, well. Where do I begin? HMMMM..
We're okay. We're friends. Good friends. In the last week or more, I think, I've been really okay with how things are going. I've been slowly distancing myself from him. And for a moment there, I thought I was okay. Okay like, I won't care if he's with another girl anymore; I won't mind not seeing him for a long time; I won't care that much about him like before; I won't think about him..
But God of all Gods was I wrong. So completely wrong. Maybe those thoughts were just thoughts, you know, product of the mind, and not really how I truly feel. I saw him this afternoon with the same girl (the one mentioned on a previous post) sharing an umbrella under the rain. And boy did I saw my heart shatter into pieces in front of me once again. I never seem to get tired of this shit, don't I? (*SIGHS)
I wish this would just stop. But I'd have to admit though, my feelings aren't like before. It changed, somehow. For the better, thank God. But I still do wish that this feeling--whatever this may be--would just stop. I can't allow this to go on for a long time.
I need a life. I need a NEW life.
Change would have to arrive soon. Before it's too late.
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