I feel weird. Gaining 12 hours of sleep is probably not a good thing. Bummer.
I dreamt about Gossip Girl. Chuck and Blair talking and making out, while I was at the side, simply watching them do all sorts of freaky things. Seriously, what the fuck was that all about? I didn't even watch Gossip Girl last night, and I sure am wasn't thinking about it either. Creepy.
I just realized how much of a slacker I've been on my last 2 semesters of being a freaking college student. Pa-petiks petiks lang. I do most--actually, all--of my reviewing on the way to school. Sa FX and LRT. So yeah, I guess I'd have to admit that I'm a crammer. Cram there, cram here. The bad thing is that, I'm not that good with it. I can pass the exam, but can't get a high or a perfect grade. And oh yeah, sometimes I don't even study at all. And when the test paper's already on my desk, just lying there, waiting to be answered, all I can think about is, "Bahala na nga si Batman!". Sheez. I really need to change the way I do things. Now that I'm in my sophomore year, and all.
Wish I could change things, though. I always feel so fucking incompetent in school. I feel like I can't do anything right. So I don't even bother trying. I have this HUGE fear of failure. And I'm scared of not doing things right, or not doing things perfectly. I know that nothing's perfect, but that's how I want things to be. And because that's how my mind works, I tend to not do or even try to do certain stuff anymore. I don't want them to not be perfect. I don't want to raise my hand in class to recite, and just hear from my professor that the answer I've given was wrong. I don't wanna study like a complete nerd for an exam, and find out that I got a failing, low or high-but-still-won't-pass-my-standards grade. So, I settle for the average. I don't assert any effort when it comes to doing things. If I know that I won't achieve the perfection that I want, I won't bother doing it at all.
I am imperfect, I know that. But I don't wanna hear it out loud or see it written in some fucking test paper. Oh yes, I am in complete and utter denial of what the real world's really about.
So damn pathetic.
I dreamt about Gossip Girl. Chuck and Blair talking and making out, while I was at the side, simply watching them do all sorts of freaky things. Seriously, what the fuck was that all about? I didn't even watch Gossip Girl last night, and I sure am wasn't thinking about it either. Creepy.
I just realized how much of a slacker I've been on my last 2 semesters of being a freaking college student. Pa-petiks petiks lang. I do most--actually, all--of my reviewing on the way to school. Sa FX and LRT. So yeah, I guess I'd have to admit that I'm a crammer. Cram there, cram here. The bad thing is that, I'm not that good with it. I can pass the exam, but can't get a high or a perfect grade. And oh yeah, sometimes I don't even study at all. And when the test paper's already on my desk, just lying there, waiting to be answered, all I can think about is, "Bahala na nga si Batman!". Sheez. I really need to change the way I do things. Now that I'm in my sophomore year, and all.
Wish I could change things, though. I always feel so fucking incompetent in school. I feel like I can't do anything right. So I don't even bother trying. I have this HUGE fear of failure. And I'm scared of not doing things right, or not doing things perfectly. I know that nothing's perfect, but that's how I want things to be. And because that's how my mind works, I tend to not do or even try to do certain stuff anymore. I don't want them to not be perfect. I don't want to raise my hand in class to recite, and just hear from my professor that the answer I've given was wrong. I don't wanna study like a complete nerd for an exam, and find out that I got a failing, low or high-but-still-won't-pass-my-standards grade. So, I settle for the average. I don't assert any effort when it comes to doing things. If I know that I won't achieve the perfection that I want, I won't bother doing it at all.
I am imperfect, I know that. But I don't wanna hear it out loud or see it written in some fucking test paper. Oh yes, I am in complete and utter denial of what the real world's really about.
So damn pathetic.
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