It fucking hurts. Damn it.

I feel like someone ripped off my chest, took my heart out, and stomped on it until it's barely recognizable.

This is what I have been dreading since the day I realized that I have this 'thing' for him. I enjoyed the kilig moments that I had with him. But I don't wanna feel anything other than the kilig and the happiness when I'm around him. I don't wanna feel anything more than that.

But hell. Life's so damn unpredictable all the fucking time. The thing that I'm scared of the most is the thing that's in front of me right now. Bullshit.

I seriously wanna commit suicide right now. And this time, it's for real. Dying is better than suffering like this. Oh God, please help me. This is totally killing me.

What happened?

I saw him making kulit with another girl. A girl whom I know likes him. Which, by the way, made the situation and how I feel even worse.

They were calling each other 'baby'. Fooling around in front of everyone. And at some point, holding each others hands. It's not that I'm jealous with the girl, it's that I'm jealous with what he's doing with the girl.

I never had those kulitan moments with him. Except for the very occasional fooling around thing. Other than that, nothing. Absolutely nothing. And I feel so fucking jealous.

I'm scared. So completely and utterly scared of the way I am feeling right now. This is not right and I can't go on with my life like this. I can't just go to school everyday, talking to him and acting like I feel nothing. I can't keep laughing and pretending that it's okay for me to see them like that. HAYY. Putanginang buhay 'to!

Oh well, I guess I'll just have to face the bitter sound of this fucking music. I am stronger than this, I know I am. Just have to catch up with that strength first, before it reaches the exit door of my fucked up life.

I just can't help it ='(

Comments

Freaking out. Woohh.

I just wanna ask. DID I DO ANYTHING WRONG? Whenever I blog hop, all I say in their chatboxes is "Dropped by. :)" So seriously, what's wrong with that? Is there anything wrong with that statement? PLEASE, TELL ME! I'm kinda freaking out here, you know. Seriously. Okay, so what brought this question up? I was blog hopping when I encountered this girl's account. I was about to type in my usual statement--which is "Dropped by :)"--on her shoutmix. But what happened next just completely shocked me. I don't know why the hell my IP address was banned from her shoutmix. Seeing as that was my first time to visit her site. So she got me a little bit confused. Oh no, wait, scratch that. She got me a lot confused. So I'm kinda, sorta freaking out here. What did I do wrong? BOOHOO! Dahil nakain ko ang hikaw ko sa dila, LANGYA, minamalas ako. Masamang pangitain 'to mga kaibigan!

BITTER!

CLICK FOR A LARGER IMAGE. Eto lang ah, kung hindi niyo matanggap na wala kayo sa top 3, aba'y tantanan niyo ang panlalait. Nagmumuka kayong kawawa eh! Napaka bitter. Oo, nasasaktan ako. Dahil una, school ko yun. At pangalawa, friends ko ang cheering squad. Kaya kung hindi kayo naturuan ng sportsmanship, well, kawawa naman kayo. Mas lalo kayong nagmukang talunan. (Hindi ko nilalahat ah. Yung iba lang na akala mo naman kung sino. Wooohhh.) Status 1 : Yung comment, LUTO daw. Hahaha. Natawa naman ako. Kailan pa nagluto ang FEU?! Hindi mo lang kasi tanggap. Hahaha. Status 2 : Yung comment ulit, tanginang feu daw. HAHAHA! Eh di tangina din kung sa'ng school ka man galing. Boohoo! Status 3 : Itlog daw ang tamaraw. Osige, MEDYO agree ako dito. Hindi ko din alam kung ano ang pumasok sa mga ulo nila at naisipan nilang magpanggap na manok. Napakalayo naman sa pagiging Tamaraw. Hahaha. Status 4 : Boo FEU daw. Akalain mo, KAIBIGAN ko 'to nu'ng HS ah. Katigas naman talaga ng...

Mga Lalaki Talaga.

MAY BABAE NANAMAN ANG AKING BUTIHING AMA. Well, it's not really a shocking news to me anymore. Ever since I was a little kid, I've known that my father have other 'women' in his life. I actually thought that that was a normal thing. It's only when I reached the 3rd or 4th grade, I think, that I realized that what he's doing was actually bullshit. Oh well, whatever makes him happy. GO DADDY! Honestly, I thought my Dad already quit this crap. But I guess bad habits die hard . So, how did I found out? As usual, through the ever-so-proficient technology . I don't have any load, so I borrowed my Mom's phone. But she said she was using it, so she gave me my Dad's phone instead. I was just about to delete my message from the Sent Items folder when I saw this unknown number. Pakielamera ako eh, and I got a bit curious, so I opened the two message that my father sent to this--whoever this person is. First message : "Darling wala lang namimiss...

Poured Syrup

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