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It fucking hurts. Damn it.

I feel like someone ripped off my chest, took my heart out, and stomped on it until it's barely recognizable.

This is what I have been dreading since the day I realized that I have this 'thing' for him. I enjoyed the kilig moments that I had with him. But I don't wanna feel anything other than the kilig and the happiness when I'm around him. I don't wanna feel anything more than that.

But hell. Life's so damn unpredictable all the fucking time. The thing that I'm scared of the most is the thing that's in front of me right now. Bullshit.

I seriously wanna commit suicide right now. And this time, it's for real. Dying is better than suffering like this. Oh God, please help me. This is totally killing me.


What happened?

I saw him making kulit with another girl. A girl whom I know likes him. Which, by the way, made the situation and how I feel even worse.

They were calling each other 'baby'. Fooling around in front of everyone. And at some point, holding each others hands. It's not that I'm jealous with the girl, it's that I'm jealous with what he's doing with the girl.

I never had those kulitan moments with him. Except for the very occasional fooling around thing. Other than that, nothing. Absolutely nothing. And I feel so fucking jealous.



I'm scared. So completely and utterly scared of the way I am feeling right now. This is not right and I can't go on with my life like this. I can't just go to school everyday, talking to him and acting like I feel nothing. I can't keep laughing and pretending that it's okay for me to see them like that. HAYY. Putanginang buhay 'to!

Oh well, I guess I'll just have to face the bitter sound of this fucking music. I am stronger than this, I know I am. Just have to catch up with that strength first, before it reaches the exit door of my fucked up life.



I just can't help it ='(

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