Off to never never land.

You know what's funny and weird at the same time? The fact that on my way home, all I could think about was what I would write in my blog once I'm already in the comforts of my own room and in front of my lovely computer. I actually already got everything figured out; from the opening sentence down to the last word. All I would have to do was type the words here, click publish post and voila! I have a brand new blog entry that I could share with the world. But unfortunately, the moment I sat on my chair, turned on my computer, logged in on my blogger, all those thoughts went away. It's as if some black hole sucked everything out of my brain--which really sucks. So I'm guessing that I'd have to think of something else to blog about. Can I just say that I'm a teeny bit disappointed?

Just so you know, I keep staring blankly into space. My brain's getting more and more insubstantial by the minute. Seriously, this thing is driving me nuts. One minute I'm completely focused on what this blog would be all about, then the next minute my mind's off wandering somewhere far into the never never land. Not to mention my computer joining in with my crappy mood. It hangs up every five minutes. Insane. Uhhh. There I go again. I just stared at the remote control for five whole minutes. Seriously people, what the hell is happening to me?! Oh, oh, oh. Yeah, nothing..


The next stuff that you would read is going to get a dash of my emo side. Don't say I didn't warn you.

During our break time, we talked about what's gonna happen on Pia's 18th birthday this coming Saturday. The first plan was the celebration would be at Eastwood. But now, she said that it might be moved somewhere in Ortigas. We asked her on who's going to be invited and she stated a bunch of people. But when she said this person was going to be there and why this person's going to be there, I was taken aback. Her DAD's going to be with us. Yup, her dad. Someone asked Pia (don't really remember who it was) on why his father's going to be there. And this was her answer: "He would worry about me. Of course, it's my birthday. He knows that the celebrant always gets most of the shots. He doesn't want me to go home alone, drunk as I am."

I almost got teary-eyed. But I didn't show that to them, of course.

So what made me so affected of that, you ask? Well, I grew up not having my parents caring for me. Some nanny always does that job for them. I would get constantly bullied as a kid, but my parents seem to not care at all. (Well if they do, they sure have a funny way of showing it.) I would go home crying and all I get are blank stares from them. And come to think of it, I was around 7 or 8 years old at the time. And now, now that I'm 18, nothing's really changed. Everything's exactly the same as it always has been. I would arrive at our house, and nobody seems to care. I'll just pass by them and go straight into my room. It's as if I was invisible to them, and they to me. I could go for weeks not talking to either my Mom or Dad. That's something I already am used to. Having all of us eat dinner at the same table, at the same time would be a great miracle to say the least. They eat together, I eat alone. No one gives a damn, anyway. They won't even bother calling me whenever dinner's ready. So I just usually eat after they're done. And to think that I'm an only child. Sheez. Some kind of parents they are.

So I got so jealous when I heard why Pia's father is going to be with us on her birthday. I never (and probably never will) felt that kind of love and care from my parents. All I get from them are two things: rants on how stupid and fucked-up my life is; and nothing but a cold, silent treatment.

Okay. I could continue raging about how completely and utterly I-don't-know-how-to-describe my parents are, but it would probably take several days before I'm done. (Harsh!)  And besides, it won't change the fact that they are who they are. I choose to just ignore them than to constantly burden myself of the pain and heartaches they give me. I'm not an optimist nor a pessimist. I just simply opt to see things exactly as they are. Living in some bullshit fairy tale fantasy, believing that everything in life's made up of cotton candies and rainbows or turning into someone who exists only in some dark place where everything's bleak and miserable is nothing but a complete load of crap.


Be a mediocre human. That's why I'm NUMB.