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I want a Mom.

I don't know why my Mom blames me for everything.

I was about to sleep when something went in my eye. Common reaction of someone would be to scratch it, cause that usually works, but now, it didn't. I was too lazy to get up from my bed so I decided to just sleep it off and it'd probably be away by the time I wake up. But I can't sleep since that stupid something in my eye's irritating me. So I went to the bathroom to rinse my face. I tried to do that put-your-face-under-a-bucket-of-water-and-open-your-eye thing, but it didn't work either.

Since my mother's already awake and was doing something in the kitchen, I went and asked her if she has Visine (or however you spell that). When I called her, she got startled. My Mom gets shocked very easily so I usually wait for the right moment to approach her cause every time I call her and she gets shocked, she automatically blames me for it. Even shouts at me and curses me for approaching her in a certain way. But seriously, how am I suppose to approach her? I've tried everything. Call her loudly, she would be startled. Call her silently, she would be startled. Call her using your normal voice, she would be startled. Tap her, she would be startled. Suddenly appear in front of her, she would be startled. So basically, I am left with no options here. Whatever I do, however I do it, she would still be started, get mad at me, and blame me because now, her heart is racing like a horse for being shocked.

I took the Visine that she gave me. And went to the bathroom. But before that, I had to endure the endless murmurs and curses of my Mom, blaming me because she easily gets shocked. In the bathroom, I tried to put on the Visine 5 times, but failed miserably. I got so frustrated and started going ballistic. I don't wanna come to my Mom and ask for her help because I know that I would just hear stuff from her that I don't wanna hear. But I had no choice. My eye's already irritating me like crazy. I went up to my Mom and asked her (really nicely) to put some Visine on my eye. But there she goes again, blaming me for having something in my eye. How is that my fault?! And then she sarcastically asked me if I wanted to just go to the hospital. After that, I just went back to my room.

I got so frustrated, so irritated, so annoyed and so mad that I just cried. I cried, and I cried and I cried. Until now, I'm actually still crying. And my Mom just banged the door of my room. I have honestly no idea why she likes blaming me for everything. Even those things that isn't even my fault, she still blames me for it. Everything's my fault. Everything's my responsibility.

I want a Mom. I want a Mom who actually cares. I want a Mom who's there for me. I want a Mom who tells me that she's proud of me, even if all I've accomplished is a really tiny thing. I want a Mom who actually believes in me and pushes me to do things because she knows that I'm capable of doing them. I want a Mom who thinks and tells me that I'm smart and intelligent, not that I'm stupid and that everything that I do is wrong. I want a Mom who would assure me that everything's gonna be fine, even if the situation's telling otherwise. I want a Mom who would tell me that she loves me, even if I'm just a huge pain the ass.

Too bad, not all of us can have what we want. And I still have something in my eye, and I keep blinking.

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