I don't know how to describe what I've been feeling for the past few weeks.
At first, I was kinda happy. Feeling great actually. Even though life throws its usual shit on me, I was still able to get through it. Family stuff, personal struggles, I got through it just fine cause of my friends. They were always there to make me feel better. Even if they don't exactly do anything to make me feel better, just the fact that they were there, and we were together having fun--drinking, talking, laughing, fooling around--these were more than enough to put a smile on my face; to make me happy.
But when your friends aren't there anymore, when your friends start leaving you behind, you're left with nothing--no one for that matter. I am not exactly in good terms with my family, and I usually despise being around them. And I don't have a sibling whom I can hang out with or whatever. So I turn to my friends for company. I turn to them to take my mind off of all the bullshit in my life. I turn to them to have some fun and to be happy and to feel okay once in a while. So now that they're slowly leaving me behind, I am left with no one but myself.
It's sad, really. Saturday night, and you're sitting all alone in your room, having a cigarette and thinking about all the shit you've done and all the crappy life choices you've made. You think about all your regrets, all your mistakes, all your problems. You think about everything. And this may sound disturbing or whatever, but you even think about being dead than living your life like this.
Pathetic. Real pathetic for someone to think of being dead. Especially someone who's as young as me. I seriously think that I am a truly disturbed human being. It saddens me that I would rather die than live my life.
I miss my friends. I miss all of them. I miss having fun. I miss all those sleepless nights. I miss drinking with them. I miss waiting for the sun to rise so that we could go home to our respective houses. I miss the laughs, the sometimes corny jokes. I miss the drama and the emo-ness. I miss everything.
I want everything to go back to the way it used to be. I've made mistakes. Everyone does. Karma's a bitch--and it's seriously bitching on me.
Maybe I'll die tomorrow and not go through this misery anymore.
At first, I was kinda happy. Feeling great actually. Even though life throws its usual shit on me, I was still able to get through it. Family stuff, personal struggles, I got through it just fine cause of my friends. They were always there to make me feel better. Even if they don't exactly do anything to make me feel better, just the fact that they were there, and we were together having fun--drinking, talking, laughing, fooling around--these were more than enough to put a smile on my face; to make me happy.
But when your friends aren't there anymore, when your friends start leaving you behind, you're left with nothing--no one for that matter. I am not exactly in good terms with my family, and I usually despise being around them. And I don't have a sibling whom I can hang out with or whatever. So I turn to my friends for company. I turn to them to take my mind off of all the bullshit in my life. I turn to them to have some fun and to be happy and to feel okay once in a while. So now that they're slowly leaving me behind, I am left with no one but myself.
It's sad, really. Saturday night, and you're sitting all alone in your room, having a cigarette and thinking about all the shit you've done and all the crappy life choices you've made. You think about all your regrets, all your mistakes, all your problems. You think about everything. And this may sound disturbing or whatever, but you even think about being dead than living your life like this.
Pathetic. Real pathetic for someone to think of being dead. Especially someone who's as young as me. I seriously think that I am a truly disturbed human being. It saddens me that I would rather die than live my life.
I miss my friends. I miss all of them. I miss having fun. I miss all those sleepless nights. I miss drinking with them. I miss waiting for the sun to rise so that we could go home to our respective houses. I miss the laughs, the sometimes corny jokes. I miss the drama and the emo-ness. I miss everything.
I want everything to go back to the way it used to be. I've made mistakes. Everyone does. Karma's a bitch--and it's seriously bitching on me.
Maybe I'll die tomorrow and not go through this misery anymore.
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